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abuse
May 2008 
Boundaries???
Posted on Apr 30th, 2006
by 
Purvaka
Purvaka
I'm trying to live a more moral, ethical life (but isn't that all relative?). I try to be kind and helpful to all I come in contact with, but when does being helpful become being taken advantage of, and when does it become enabling? I was raised to believe that family helps family through thick and thin, no matter what, and it's always worked out well that way, but now my parents have (in my mind) crossed the "boundaries" of needing help, to taking advantage of my kindness. I am a wife, and a mother of 2 children, my husband and I have a full time job of taking care of our little household. With pets, the kids, and ourselves to take care of, the remainder isn't much, and sometimes nothing. Should we allow others to walk all over our open hearts? To take from our own childrens mouths, and use us and our kindness? When does the help of family become open parental emotional abuse of a situation?
How does one overcome the childhood trained emotional response to parental guilt?
How does one overcome the childhood trained emotional response to parental guilt?
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Recognizing… or *Awareness* of the “guilt trips” is the first step. Manipulation is a powerful tool. However, it can only work if you allow it. The ultimate spiritual lesson - “Do unto others as you'd have done to you.” We all know the various Golden Rule concepts… but think about it…. Would you do this to other people? Do you subconsciously do this to other people? - if no, then why allow others to do this to you? Allowing others to treat you this way is a form of self-sabotage, self-punishment or the like. “Vampires” will feed on you as long as you LET them. Now… here's where the lesson gets tricky… how to stand firm and still be compassionate? Well… Nike has a pretty good wrap on that… “Just Do It”…. insisting that someone (yes, even your parents) respect your boundaries (as an adult with a family) is not asking “too much” … your priorities in life have changed… they need to be made aware of what you require in your life. But, do know, that this will come across as *CHANGE* and change is not well accepted by those who are used to getting things the way they want it. Be gentle, be understanding, be compassionate… utilize your spiritual fortitude to stand firm in your boundaries. You deserve, your family deserves it… and believe it or not… your parents deserve this life lesson as well… though they may not recognize it right away. Keep your conversations and actions filled with Loving Intent. Always ask yourself… “Is this for the divine higher good of ALL involved?”
I agree with MsCapriKell.
And answering your question: where are the boundries between being helpful and being taken advantage of… (I deal with this possibility EVERY DAY. )
You are taken advantage of- when you notice it is happening.
When you give with joy - you are still being helpful.